


I will be better

by ShadowSelene (Shadowdianne)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Not a happy ending kind of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 23:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14924490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowdianne/pseuds/ShadowSelene
Summary: I prompt you the angiest angst that has ever angst in the history of angst of all angst future angst and present angst.Asked by delirious-comfort(Any future attempts to kill me can be directed at her)





	I will be better

**Author's Note:**

> I will just leave here the note this prompt came with as my formal apology xd
> 
> So, I have been thinking on what could be the nastiest angst of all the story of angst from my perspective. And that got me thinking on which story has been the most difficult for me to write which led me to how I’ve killed both Emma and Regina several times already and that alone doesn’t constitute angst. We have amazingly talented writers on our fandom that puts a new bar on what should be angst. I will bow again to Sense Memory or Letters from war because of what it meant at the time and the exquisite way they are written.
> 
> So! What I want to say with this long-ass note? I once wrote a story that I’ve been told that is by far the most angsty one of my repertoire simply because of what it means for us, the fans of the couple. I still doubt it’s that great but since I wrote it… close to three years ago? I decided on re-writing it with more experience on writing both Emma and Regina and, perhaps, writing something better than I did back then.
> 
> This is me saying sorry
> 
> And this is me writing the disclaimer that SwanQueen will forever and always be endgame for me. Despite what it’s about to happen.

 

The moment the key of the house, their house, was left in front of her, Regina felt her knees giving up, an ashen taste on her mouth as she eyed Emma’s apologetic green eyes, heavy with something close to shame as the brunette swallowed, fists clenched.

She wanted to be angry, she thought, anger would ease everything; angry as she had been the split-second Emma had seated in front of her, red-rimmed eyes and an only answer on her lips as she tried to navigate through a truth the two of them knew. However, as much as she had felt a myriad of things back when Emma had saved her as the blonde nibbled her bottom lip and tried to speak with increasingly wobbling voice, Regina realized she couldn’t.

Devastated, however, was a word too little for what she felt as Emma pointed outside, where the loaded car waited for her.

“I will return.” She had whispered when everything had been said and done, when Emma had given her the ring; a ring that had been theirs, a ring that had replaced another, another Regina still hated. “Snow, David… I just need to go for a while.”

Regina could feel tears climbing through her throat, burning away any real intent on having a conversation.

She had fallen in love with Emma a long time ago; a bittersweet and complicated story they had retold again and again as years passed, a soft smile on both of them as they thought that was it; that they had arrived at the ending line. Finally, together, in love.

Happy endings, however, were as brittle as words in a paper and, despite having lived in a fairy tale land the most of her life, Regina could remember what she had learnt during her time there; a story was never over, a chapter never truly finished. Despite that, when Emma had approached her she had felt as if everything was burning down.

She had fallen in love with Emma. Emma had fallen in love with her and, for some years that had been more than enough. Despite every single curse, every single lie, every single loss. They had worked together, united. Until Emma had said…

She wanted to be angry, she thought again as she let the blonde kiss her cheek, her skin burning where the woman touched her, a gentle caress on her forearm that made her magic crack and growl. She wanted to be angry and yet, when Emma had told her what the two of them knew already, woven together in long silent nights and wishes to be, to have, to live outside the cocoon that they had finally built for the other, Regina had only been able to cry.

She had seen the pain on Emma’s eyes, the regret, had heard the words “Maybe I shouldn’t…” but she had known that she couldn’t keep the blonde close if the woman didn’t feel like that anymore. Not even if it pained her the idea of seeing her go.

Emma’s things had started to disappear one by one somewhere four months after their first talk as weeks passed and their shared house started to be progressively emptier, Regina knew that it was time to admit the truth. Emma was leaving.

“I should be going.” The words cut through her like shards of glass but she nodded, arms protectively around her chest, willing the traitorous heart to stop beating as it did; willing to every part of her grow still as Emma closed her eyes and turned, a trail of dirty white particles falling, dripping from her as she did so.

Emma, her Emma, she thought, somewhat bitterly, was gone and the woman in front of her was another one, another evolved version from that. And despite being sad, and angry, partially, not enough, she still felt as if she could love that version; even if, ultimately, love hadn’t been enough.

If she squinted, she thought, throat dry and lumpy, eyes burning, she could almost picture the sight of another kind of woman in front of her front door, tentatively saying “hi”. She had found that other version infuriating, and still worth of far too many things.

Raising her voice over the tears she called for her. Clear, limpid green returning her stare as Emma turned.

“Don’t be a stranger.”

The words felt dry but she pushed them through her teeth as Emma nodded, slowly and she was slightly proud of herself, of how she had managed to answer without breaking, trembling, without asking Emma to come back to her. She had lost her pride a long time ago, the one she had fed and taken from during her years as the Evil Queen. That was gone and yet she felt relieved of being able to not kneel in pain.

She had heard Emma’s tears as well, that night when she had told her her decision, had felt them on her cheek when she had hugged the blonde. She still wished for her voice to be able to raise, for her chest to erupt in flames, engulfing her.

And yet…

She loved her. Had loved her.

Emma nodded and left, closing the door behind her, the sound of the car a noise Regina refused to pay attention to as she played with the ring that now hung from the pendant around her neck. A promise of a story that hadn’t ended. A promise of something that had stopped.

“I will never be able to forget you” She said to as she, finally, covered her face with her hands. “But I will learn to be better without you”


End file.
